Kethuvim

Seeing as how my latest post on advertising set of a firestorm, I feel like I need to clarify what I am trying to do with my posts on advertising.

I agree 100% that the problem isn't capitalism. Capitalism has its problems (as do all economic systems), but I don't think that we should up and go to over to socialism either. I believe that the problem is materialism and a "gotta have it now" culture that we live in. There are always deeper problems than what appear on the surface. One of the most brilliant aspects of Jesus' teachings is that he was always focusing on the deeper reasons behind things, and not just the surface stuff ("You've heard it said...but I tell you...").

My issue is that hardly anyone in our culture looks beneath the surface of anything anymore. Most people can't see past their noses because it would take too much time to do so. So what happens is that people fall for all sorts of crap, not realizing that their problem is much deeper than being gullible. My hope is that by calling out the tricks behind some of these advertising campaigns, people will wake up and see that they're being duped, thus stopping them from continuing down the path of materialism and greed. I understand and agree wholeheartedly that the problems are deeper than the advertising, but my hope is that by calling it out, people might just look a bit beyond the end of their noses.

Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa. Peace to you and yours. May you gain many pounds, attain many things, and enjoy your day(s) off of work.

It's that time of year when numerous bloggers wrongly assume that anyone cares about their opinions, and they start putting out their best-of lists for the masses to ignore. And, seeing as how my post yesterday was apparently the equivalent of punching the baby Jesus in the face, I'll write something today a little more on the lighter side. Here's my list of the best albums I purchased this year. Keep in mind, most of these albums aren't technically new, but they were new to me. Also, these aren't in any sort of order.

1. Cease to Begin - Band of Horses
The lead singer is a mix of Perry Farrell and the dude from the Shins. The songs are quite beautiful as they speak of a longing for home and trying to call a new place "home."

2. Mutations - Beck
Mostly acoustic album by Beck. Great driving cd.

3. Hvarf/Heim - Sigur Ros (pronounced see-er rose)
This really might be my favorite band on the planet. They're Icelandic and they sing in Icelandic. There is not another band out there with the ability to make my breathing slow down (in a good way). This is a two-cd set of live stuff, the second album of which is acoustic.

4. The Shepherd's Dog - Iron and Wine
Iron and Wine's newest album. Absolutely great.

5. The Crane Wife - The Decemberists
I'm new to this band. I will own more of their stuff. You would swear upon first listen that they just walked off the streets of Dublin. However, they're from Portland.

6. Violence In the Snowy Fields - Dolorean
Just a nice, mellow album.

7. The Swell Season - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Both from Dublin. Both awesome. If there is one album on this list that you absolutely should buy, it's this one.

8. American Recordings V: A Hundred Highways - Johnny Cash
Who would've thought that an album who's songs all deal with death could be so beautiful. This was recorded shortly after his wife's death and shortly before his own. His shaky voice will make you want to cry.

9. Live At Massey Hall 1971 - Neil Young
Just Neil with his guitar and piano. In my opinion, Neil at his best.

10. Icky Thump - The White Stripes
They go back to their roots, but with more maturity. And yes, Meg is terrible drummer, but they wouldn't be this good if she was amazing. Jack's vocals and guitar are the main focus, so back off of poor Meg. I'm constantly amazed at the amount of sound they put out with just two people.

12. Sky Blue Sky - Wilco
These guys are also in the running for my favorite band. This album has less "experimental" qualities to it, it's more straightforward that some of their other stuff. It's just a great album to put in while driving to relax.

Honorable mention:
( ) - Sigur Ros
Takk - Sigur Ros
Agaetis Byrjun - Sigur Ros (are you starting to see how much I like this band?)
Kicking Television: Live in Chicago - Wilco
Chutes Too Narrow - The Shins
In the Reins - Iron and Wine with Calexico

If you've read my blog at all, you know how I feel about advertising. Basically advertising sets out to lie or, at the very least, bend the truth in order to convince you that a turd is actually a diamond, thus causing you to spend money they you may or may not have in order to purchase said turd. I saw a credit card commercial the other day for a new American Express card that promised to put a fraction of the money you spend with the card into a savings account.

On the surface, this card looks like a great idea. Wow, I get to save money when I spend money. Keep in mind that credit card companies are the ultimate in evil (pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies running a close second) and their whole goal is to make a buck. So on the surface, it looks like American Express is losing money by offering this deal. They come out looking like great saviors because they are willing to sacrifice profit in order to help the good customer save money. Newsflash: It's a gigantic steaming pile of lies packaged in a tight coil and handed to you through your tv screen.

The idea behind it is that you use the card more than you normally would because hey, you're putting money in a savings account when you use, thue increasing their profits more and more. Every time you use a credit card, they collect a fee from the store where you use it. When you use the card more, their profits increase. The thing about it is that you continue to spend money that you probably don't have, with the illusion that you're actually saving money. The problem is that, in the long run, you're losing tons of money because you're spending more than you are saving. The small fraction of money that they deposit into an account will never offset the thousands of dollars that you spend to accrue that savings. The result? You sink deeper and deeper into debt, and you continue to line the collective pockets of American Express investors. Rest assured, someone is getting rich when you use one of these cards, but it sure isn't you.

I thought that I would increase your feelings of mirth and good will in this lovely holiday season by giving you a few more installments in what I like to call the, "Cutest kid in the universe" series. We put our Christmas tree up the other night and this is a picture of him "helping" (and by "helping," I mean shoving ornaments into the tree and trying to pull the lights off)

Having worked a 15 hour day yesterday, I pretty much just came home at 10:00 pm and went to sleep. I hadn't watched any news or anything and hadn't heard anything. This morning, I got to my office and started reading about a 19 year old kid who decided it would be a good idea to go into a mall and kill 9 people, and then himself. This is one of those stories that will continue to unfold, and people who knew him will start coming out of the woodwork to talk about different aspects of his life.

To this point, the only details they have are that he was just fired from his job at McDonald's, just lost his girlfriend, and had a criminal history of misdemeanors including drug use and alcohol possession. It is also known that he was kicked out of his parent's house and that he was living with a family that decided to take him in; a kind of foster situation.

He left a note which had these words printed, "Now I'll be famous." This seems to be a pattern I've seen in almost every "teen shooter" situation; a need to be recognized and acknowledged.

So where does this desire come from? I believe we all have an inate desire to belong to something larger than ourselves, and to be recognized as human. I think it's wired into us. I can almost guarantee that details will start coming out about his high school experience. He will probably be described by former classmates as "introverted," "weird," "quiet," and as being on the fringes. He was probably bullied, or at the very least marginalized.

In his mind (and maybe just in general) he was denied his basic human right, to be seen as human and worthy of love. His girlfriend broke up with him, he lost his job, his family kicked him out. I'm not saying that he had nothing to do with those things that happened, but look at that series of rejection. Every rejection leaves a wound.

Here's my question and a challenge to anyone reading this who claims to be part of the Church. Where was the Church in all of this? We sang an old song at my church this past Sunday called, "They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love." One of the lines in that song states this, "We will guard each man's dignity and save each man's pride." In other words, we'll assure that every person is treated as a human being (and yes, I realize that the Church, by and large, sucks at this). Maybe all he needed was for someone to guard his dignity and save his pride. Who knows, maybe someone tried and he rejected it, I don't know. My guess, however, is that no one tried. It seems to me that no who feels connected and fully human is capable of doing something like this.

I'm filled with nothing but sadness for this kid. I feel sadness because I understand his need to be accepted and loved. I understand his need to be recognized as a person. I've been blessed enough to be surrounded by people who fulfill that need in me, he obviously wasn't. It's time we in the Church start finding these kids, and adults too, and surrounding them with love and acceptance, even in the midst of their messy lives.

One thing I've heard from Christians since the beginning of the Iraq war is how wonderful it is that Christians in Iraq are now free to worship. Of course, they ignore the fact that the Iraqi Constitution names Islam as the official religion of the country (so much for freedom of religion). Anyway, what most people don't realize is that Iraq has had a thriving Christian community for almost 2,000 years, and that the community even flourished underground during Saddam's reign. In a 60 minutes interview this week, a church bishop who has been in Iraq for 9 years and he commented on the current situation for Christians in Iraq. Here's a bit of the interview:

White is among the last Christian ministers here, a savior with crosses to bear. Larger than life, stricken with MS, and by his own reckoning, driven a little bit mad.He was first sent to Baghdad by the Archbishop of Canterbury nine years ago, well before the Christian persecution.

"You were here during Saddam’s reign. And now after. Which was better? Which was worse?" Pelley asked.

"The situation now is clearly worse” than under Saddam, White replied."There’s no comparison between Iraq now and then," he told Pelley. "Things are the most difficult they have ever been for Christians. Probably ever in history. They’ve never known it like now."

"Wait a minute, Christians have been here for 2,000 years," Pelley remarked.

"Yes," White said."

And it’s now the worst it has ever been," Pelley replied.

Christians can't ignore this. They can't continue to support a war that is leading to more and more death and persecution for our brothers and sisters. If you feel like you have to support the war, fine, but don't pretend like these kinds of problems don't exist. We have a President who is supposedly a devout Christian, and he has said nothing about this. It's time to pray that God will protect our Iraqi brothers and sisters, and it's time to pray for an end to this never-ending quagmire.

We went to the doctor yesterday to find out what sort of species my wife is gestating, and this picture is the first thing we see (literally within 2 seconds of the scanner thing hitting my wife's abdomen).
When we showed this picture to one of the nurses, her words were, "Oh my." Yes indeed. It is a proud moment in the life of a father when your fetal son can evoke a statement like that from a nurse, simply from the size of his genitalia. It is my hope that my tripod son will excel in some kind of sport, but I guess if he doesn't, he always has a nice future in porn to fall back on. I also like the fact that he's totally mooning the camera. He is his father's son. Display your Bobbydangler for the world to see son, you've earned the right...oh, and don't flaunt it in front of your brother, he can't help the hand he was dealt. Incidentally, he's already been asked out to four proms. Here's another picture:

It's like he knows something. Why is he smiling? One can only speculate. Given the above picture, I think I have my guess. Also, he's weighing in already as bigger than usual. I also have my theories as to why that is...and you can probably guess my theory. People have asked us if we've thought of any names yet. Yes we have and here's what we've landed on:

World, we re pleased to announce to you Leviathan Hefner Polley.

Hear me out on this before you make any rash judgments about me. I'm not necessarily endorsing anything here, I'm just spit-balling on something I've been thinking about. The Bible, at its best, is enigmatic and difficult to read. I also find large parts of it to be boring. Sorry, I know pastors aren't supposed to admit this, but I'm just being honest. Every pastor feels this way, they just won't admit it (ever read the book of Numbers with an "edge of your seat" type of excitement? I didn't think so.).

I've been trying to figure out why I love to read novels, but find it, at times, difficult to read the Bible. It hit me today...when I read the Bible, I'm wondering the whole time whether or not what I'm reading is factually true. While doing this, I first have to unpackage history, then try to decide through evidence if what I'm reading actually happened, then I try to find its meaning. It's completely exhausting, and by the time I get to the second step, my mind is mush anyway. When I read novels, I'm not worried about whether the events in the book coincide with history, I'm just sucked into the story.

I read Les Miserables recently. When I read it, I wasn't spending time worrying about whether Jean Valjean (the main character, for those who haven't read it) was real, I was just captivated by the beauty of his story. I found great truth in that book, and I wasn't even looking for it.

Let me give you an example from the Bible, Noah's ark. There's constant debate about whether or not a global flood really happened, and frankly, there's evidence to support both arguments. When I read that story, the whole time I'm thinking, "I wonder if this really happened? What if it did? What if it didn't?" In doing this, I miss the whole point of the story. God was fed up with the wickedness and lack of love of humanity (quite disturbing actually), and he decided to wipe out all of humanity. He looked down and saw a good old man named Noah, and he decided that Noah, along with his family, would save mankind by building a huge boat in the middle of dry land. Humanity needed a savior, God gave them Noah. All of this is easy to miss if we're constantly having to spend time proving the historical truth of everything.

A note to all conservatives everywhere: the Bible doesn't have to be 100% historically accurate to be true. I believe that no truer document has ever been penned in the history of the world. It's assessment of humans is right on. It's look at the human condition is true. Our need of some sort of salvation is true. The way it speaks of Jesus' life is true and right. The Bible is true even if Goliath wasn't really 10 feet tall. The story of it is what matters. The truth is found in the meaning of the stories, not the historical accuracy of the stories.

Is the Bible historically accurate? A lot of it has been proven to be so. But we also have to admit that some of it has not been proven as accurate, and we have to be okay with that, because there's deeper meaning to be found in the narrative. It's still true. It's still beautiful. And it's still the greatest story ever told.

...but without all of the STDs.

Watch this and be amazed.

"But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt."

For those who don't know, those preceding words come from the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. God tells what appears to be the only good family in either town to get out of town on the double, because he's going to destroy it. His messenger tells them not to look back. Lot and his family leave, and then it happens, Lot's wife looks back and becomes a salt lick.

Seems a bit excessive doesn't it? Seems a little harsh for a woman to become like stone simply for looking back as the life she knew was destroyed in a hellish explosion. Is it possible that there's something else going on here? A bigger truth? A bit of metaphor?

I sat in my office last week as a high school girl fought back tears as she described a good friendship that had dissolved. She's been pouring a ton of time into trying to salvage the friendship, and the other person just doesn't seem all that interested. She said, "I just wish it was like it used to be." Ah, the cry of every human being. We've all felt that way. We've all longed for "the good ole' days." We've all spent time trying to re-create the past. This girl had become a pillar of salt. Her life is at a stand still because she was doing nothing but looking back. She's incapable of living now, because she's trying to live then.

You don't really think that the 50 year old guy who buys the Porsche on a whim is really just buying a Porsche because he wants one, do you? We call it a mid-life crisis, but really what it boils down to is he feels like his life is over, so he tricks himself into believing that he can regain "the glory days" by purchasing a shiny sports car. Instead of living now, he's living then. Pillar of salt.

What about the 50 year old woman who dresses like a teenager? You don't really think she dresses that way because she likes the way the clothes look, do you? She's convinced that her best days re in the past, and that she can't look 50 and be beautiful. So what happens? She injects her face with botulism, shops at Abercrombie, gets a boob-job, and wears insane amounts of make-up, simply so she can live in the past. She's immobilized by her age. She's trying to stop time, so that she can re-live her glory days as a cheerleader. She lives then, so that she can avoid the sagging and wrinkles of now. Pillar of salt.

I'm kind of tired of nostalgia. I think it immobilizes us. I call it the "Uncle Rico syndrome." In Napolean Dynamite, Uncle Rico is constantly living in his past. He even says at one point, "Don't you just wish you could go back; do it all over again?" We can't live in two places at once. We either live life now, or we live it then, we can't do both.

Your old life is over. What happened in the past (good and bad) is gone. Shake the crust of salt off of yourself, turn around, and start moving ahead. There's too much life to be had now to focus on the life you had then.

This award goes to The Rev. Pat "Mr. Potato Head" Robertson. Calling this guy "reverend" is like calling Britney Spears a musician. I watched a video of an interview he did on Fox News. It was all I could do to get through the six minute segment, all the while choking back my freshly eaten Tendercrisp sandwich from Burger King.

This guy's a total lunatic. He was being questioned about his endorsement of Rudi Giuliani, who is at least as much of a flip-flopper as John Kerry was and is. Rudi has been married like 57 times, which religious conservatives like Robertson can't stand. His kids hate him and refuse to endorse his campaign (so much for the biblical principle of a leader having control of his household). His track-record as mayor of New York was absolutely pro-choice (I don't think I need to tell you where the religious right stands on that one). He's also, in the past, been in favor of gay marriage (see above parenthetical statement). All of a sudden, Giuliani is pro-life and against gay marriage, vowing to appoint Supreme Court justices who think that way as well.

So the interviewer asked Robertson how he can endorse someone with a track record like Giuliani's, when you supposedly espouse things like pro-life viewpoints. Robertson, instead of answering the question said this, "It really doesn't matter what your belief is if the courts nullify what you do." In other words, his entire "faith" is based on what laws the Supreme Court passes. The answer isn't to teach people to live like Jesus and let the Holy Spirit do it's work in people's lives, it's to legislate their behavior. What a hopeless load of crap. He's basically saying that Christians can't do anything to slow down the abortion rate until the Supreme Court decides to overturn Roe v. Wade. Thank you for once again proving to me Mr. Robertson that you don't read the Bible.

My other favorite part was where the interviewer read Rudy's track record on these hot-button issues, then asked Robertson why he thought Rudy was telling the truth when he said he would appoint conservative judges. Robertson said, "I'm just taking him at his word." Here's what I find interesting; Robertson didn't take Bill Clinton at his word when he said he was sorry for his indiscretions, but he'll take Rudy at his word when he says he'll appoint conservative judges. Mind-blowing.

I'm so tired of Christians endorsing people simply because they're Republicans, while cursing Democrats as unholy and anti-American. It's just sickening. If you're going to accuse Hillary and Obama of flip-flopping on issues, then you can't possibly give Giuliani the Republican nomination for President.

Pat Robertson is a joke. At no time in the interview did Robertson mention anything Christian. The whole thing was political and about judges. Thank you, Pat, for showing us what weak faith looks like and showing us just how irrelevant you are when it comes to anything political.

I've been thinking a lot lately about adverstising. I'm putting together a teaching for my students for the future concerning this topic, so I've been noticing more and more ways that advertisements control us. After a good deal of study and observation, I've come to the conclusion that most advertising boils down to this goal:

To show you a turd and convince you that it's a diamond.

I'll give you an example. There's a sign at the local McDonald's here in my town that is marketing the McRib sandwich. If you've ever seen, or, God forbid, tasted this crap, you know what a culinary abortion it is. So the sign says, "A true Southern taste, Sweet Tea and a McRib." Apparently the south tastes like a mixture of high-fructose corn syrup, pressed horse meat in the shape of ribs, and cheap barbecue sauce. If I was from the South and saw that sign, I would burn the restaurant down and not have any regrets.

Do you see what they're doing? They're marketing an idea. When seeing that sign, you're supposed to have an idea in your mind of sitting on the front porch of your plantation house, watching your slaves pick cotton, while you sip from a tall, cool glass of home-brewed sweet tea, awaiting your barbecue feast. You may think that's far-fetched, but it's exactly what they're trying to accomplish. The hope is that you'll succomb to this idyllic setting and, in turn, spend your hard-earned $5.50 on this garbage.

Marketing a turd, all the while convincing you that it's a diamond.

Here's the problem...it works. How often have you bought something because of the commercial, only to get it home and find out that the "diamond" you bought is really only a giant pile of intestinal love fluff? We've all done it.

I think it's time that we stop succombing to the marketing campaigns. I think it's time that open our eyes and expose this stuff for what it is. We need to stop letting them convince us that we need this crap when we really don't. I declare war on the advertising industry, who will join me?

In Colossians, Paul says that, "Christ is all, and is in all." What are the ramifications of this?

I don't know if you've heard or not, but a Republican Senator by the name of Chuck Grassley is investigating the use of funds by a number of television evangelists. I'm all for this, in fact I hope they bust every one of them in the name of Jesus (that wasn't sarcasm by the way). This morning, Creflo Dollar, one of the pastors being investigated, was on the Early Show defending himself. Firstly, the fact that his last name is Dollar is just too much irony for a mind to handle. He said that he wasn't sure why Senators are investigating these things when the IRS does it all of the time. He also said that none of the money given to his ministry (note the word "his" before ministry) has been misused. Let it be noted that Mr. Dollar drives a Rolls Royce. Maybe the money hasn't been misused, but he sure has missed the point. I seem to remember Jesus saying something about not storing up treasures on earth, because they won't last and they will inevitably become rust and dust. So Creflo, you may not ever have to answer to the US Senate, but you sure will have to answer to Jesus as to why you own a Rolls Royce while millions of people die every year because they can't even afford a bowl of rice. Have fun.

God doesn't care how many people are in your church. He doesn't care how big your budgets are. The size of your steeple doesn't matter to him. He's not impressed by your music. He thinks your leadership meetings look more like a meeting of investors in a corporation than a church meeting. He thinks you've sold out to American consumerism and called it "evangelism." Political power is not what he intended his church to have. He wants you to know that democrats can be Christians to.

So what does he want? He wants justice. He wants love and compassion for everyone, even the people who are the most hostile to you and your cause. He wants a better world. He wants you to stop preaching doctrine and to start preaching things that are going to actually transform people. He wants your heart. It may mean a smaller church, but it will also mean a stronger church. He wants you to take the words of his son Jesus seriously. He thinks that if you do this, you will find peace and find the real reason that the Church exists.

Sincerely,
Me

Am I old enough to use a phrase like that? I think that phrase is a bit misleading. Ususally when people use this phrase, they are about to expound some great piece of wisdom. I'm not so sure age has anything to do with wisdom. I know some pretty clueless 70 year olds, who I would classify as anything but wise; and on the other side of the coin, I know very wise people who are in the their 20s and 30s. I think wisdom has to do with seeing. It might be that the older we get, the more we stop to look around at things a bit more, thus leading to wisdom, but I don't think age is the necessary component to wisdom.

I spend my life studying. It's a huge part of what I do. Preaching is an artform, and art, at times, takes a great deal of preparation and thought. However, I started thinking the other day about how much I know and how much I wish I didn't know anything. I watch Ezra play at home. He sits on the floor and I'll see his eyes light up at something he's playing with, and he'll look at me and say, "Ooooohhh" while holding said object up to me. Everything's new. Everything's wonderful. Everything blows him away. There's nothing better than being with him when he sees something he's never seen before. He'll point as if to say, "Hey mom and dad, did you see that!?" I must admit that in my mind, most of the time I have to answer no. I didn't see it. Why? Because I'm too busy, too jaded. I've seen it a thousand times. A tree is a tree is a tree. A dog is a dog is a dog. I realized something today. God is teaching me through my 1 year old son that by "knowing" too much, I really don't know crap.

Here's what I mean. Jesus tells us in the gospels that unless we become like little children, we'll never see the Kingdom of God. In other words, we'll never see where he is and where he's working. The more we learn, the less we see. The less we see, the less wise we really become. I'm not advocating that we all become a bunch of unlearned morons, all I'm suggesting is that we realize just how futile our learning can be. Maybe we're not learning in the right way. Here's a quote from Gordon Atkinson along these lines:

"The fruit of the tree of knowledge nourishes the soul, but it has a price. Once you have tasted it, you can never see with the eyes of a child again."

Take stars for instance. When you're a kid, stars are amazing. They twinkle and dance, they are mysterious and far away. As an adult what do you see? A big far away ball of flammable gas. Admit it. Where's the wonder?

This has to be what Jesus meant when he said we must become like little children. God's fingerprints are everywhere, we're just too "wise" to see them. Maybe instead of prefacing our wise statements with "the older I get," we should instead say, "The more I see..." Spend some time around a child, especially a toddler, and you'll realize very quickly who the wisest person in the room really is.

We're all going to die. Really. You, me, that guy, all of us. I've been thinking about this alot lately because we've had a couple of people in my congregation get some very bleak news from the doctors regarding cancer. A woman in our church heard the words, "There's nothing we can do" this week from the doctor. How true.

I think the reason we struggle with death is because we secretly think we're immortal. We're not. Doctors and medicine don't help either. You watch the average medical commercial and you get the feeling that you'll be around forever. This is why it tears us apart when we lose someone close to us, because it violently slams us back into reality. "If he died, then I guess I will too." Think about it. Have you ever gone to a funeral of someone you loved, looked into the casket and thought, "That'll be me someday." I bet you have, but maybe at a deeper level.

Medicine is an illusion. All doctors know that all they exist to do is to delay the inevitable, and maybe lessen the pain as your life slips away. Maybe we would have a better grasp of reality if doctors, upon bringing you out of the womb, said to your parents, "There's nothing we can do." They can't. Don't get me wrong, I think doctors have their place. They can, at times, give us a few more years with our loved ones. I'm just wondering if all of our medical advances interrupt some part of the natural order. By the way, I'm not having a bad day, I've just been thinking about this lately.

Ok, so there was nothing adventurous about Halloween, but the title sounded nice, so I used it. You know how sometimes you start out with an idea, and that idea at the time sounds good? You know how sometimes when you start to think about those ideas, they start sounding maybe not so good, but you're too far into the idea to start over? Case in point, my son's Halloween costume. My wife and I were trying to find a costume for Ezra when we stumbled across a totally adorable Asian silk outfit. "What a great idea," said my mind. "We'll dress him up as martial arts type guy or something."

The closer Halloween got, people started asking us what we were going to dress Ezra as. I found it harder and harder to explain. We found him a pair of toy Sais (small weapons used by Raphael of Ninja Turtles fame) to carry around as well to round out the outfit. Here's the end result, minus the Sais (the mall where we took him trick or treating had a "no toy weaponry" rule that we decided to follow.
Behold, we dressed our son as an Asian stereotype. A painfully adorable Asian stereotype, but an Asian stereotype nonetheless. I did feel better when I saw an equally Caucasian girl dressed as a Geisha, complete with eyeliner to make her eyes look...well...more Asian. I didn't feel quite so racist.

My wife decided to dress up our other child, who happens to still be in the fetal stages of development. Here's the result of that one.

I'm not going to lie, when she showed this to me, I laughed for like five minutes. And finally, I leave you with a picture of Ezra after he decided to waltz into Victoria's Secret by himself.

Mandy says that he only went in to pet the fake pink doggy, but I know better. I'd like to think he was driven by a deeper, and more primitive force. You know, the force that he can't seem to take his hands off of when we change his diapers. I rue the day when I will have to explain to him the ins and outs of the secret that Victoria is hiding.