Kethuvim

I'm going to be gone for a few days, so I thought I would give an update, as well as some really adorable pictures of the boy.

But we got him on this one:

So here are some things I've been mulling over as of late:

1. Why haven't I bought every Sigur Ros album ever made?
2. Why can't Christians put out anything remotely as talented as a Sigur Ros album?
3. Why are Christians ready to accept death-bed confessions of faith, but refuse to accept a homosexual who is truly seeking God?
4. Why has homosexuality become the taboo sin for Christians? Could it be becuase Christians feel threatened by homosexuals, as if they're going to "catch gay" if they go to church with them?
5. Why can I not keep my 8 month old full? I mean seriously, he isn't that big, where is all the food going?
6. I've been doing Weight Watchers for 2 weeks now, ummm...why do I seem to be getting fatter?
7. Why is it that the more I learn about Jesus, the less I know about him? And why does that make me love him even more?
8. Why can't I get into a Lynyrd Skynyrd album like I used to? Why do I just find their music now oddly annoying?
9. Is there a better Jazz musician than John Coltrane?
10. At what point do you stop calling them "love handles" and call them "giant fat bags."

These are the things floating around in the ole' duders head these days. What can I say, I think I need counseling.

I was flipping through channels again this morning while I was feeding my boy (anyone who has read this blog for any amount of time knows where this is going) and I came across the same "Bible study" program that I spoke of last week. This morning they should have titled the program, "Same crap, different people." This time it was three ladies sitting around the table and they were speaking about demons. I guess when you have nothing to say about Jesus, you have to talk about something right?

They were all bantering back and forth naming all sorts different demons that seem to exist when one of the ladies says, "...and what about financial," to which one of the other ones says, "That's right, there's a spirit of poverty." By spirit, of course, she meant demon. I did a quick keyword search on BibleGateway.com for "spirit of poverty" and this is what it yielded:

Sorry. No results found for "spirit of poverty" in Keyword Search. Idiot.

Ok, so I added the "idiot" thing at the end, but you get the idea. This idea that some devious little demon lurks in your mind and makes you poor not only isn't biblical, it's completely ridiculous. What this leads to is the idea that, "I'm having financial problems, ok, I'll just rebuke that demon in the name of Jesus and, 'Voila!' everything is cool." I always believed that some people were poor because of bad choices, some because of injustice, and some just because they didn't have a chance to be anything but poor, but now I can add another reason...those darned demons. Maybe if I rebuke those demons tonight, Visa and Mastercard will go out of business thus eliminating my debt once and for all. Start praying and rebuking people.

I was flipping through channels this morning before work and came across a TV preacher. I know, I do this too much, and I need to stop. Everytime I see one of them, it makes me embarrassed to be called a Christian. Anyway, this guy was sitting around a table with his three adult children (who, incidentally, look and talk just like him), "studying" the Bible. By studying, I mean the three kids were sitting there listening to their father makes stuff up as he went and then throwing a vague and obscure Bible passage in for good measure. The whole scene was a bit creepy, but I digress.

He was talking about blessings and how when we speak them, God answers and blesses us. By blessing, he was, of course, speaking of monetary and health blessings. The statement that made me almost spit my eggs and hot sauce all over the lving room was this, "The power is in speaking the blessing. When we speak it, Jesus is obligated to make it happen, that's his job." WWHHHHAAAATTTT!!!!! Where did that come from? Since when is Jesus obligated to do anything we tell him to do? I wasn't aware that that's how the relationship works. Because God knows that when you love someone, you immediately start demanding that they fulfill your requests, right?

I'm not sure that we want to get into a game where we start using a phrase like "Jesus is obligated" and "it's his job." Maybe we should leave Jesus' job description up to God.

I just ordered a Sigur Ros album. They may be the best band to ever come out of Iceland. Of course, what competition do they have in that category? Oh yeah, Bjork is from Iceland...so like I was saying, they're certainly the best band to ever come out of Iceland. They're a partly-instrumental, ethereal type-music band (Good Lord, I am an amazing music critic). I listened to a couple of their CDs this past weekend with a friend and I was blown away. Here a few reasons that you should stop reading this now and go buy a Sigur Ros album:

1. My blog sucks and at this point you want to do anything but read it.
2. You're a follower by nature and you would indeed walk off a cliff if someone told you to.
3. Sigur Ros invented their own language called "Hopelandic," and they sing a number of songs on their albums in this made-up language (at this point, you should be saying, "Wow, that's pretty impressive, I'm going to go and buy their entire catalogue.")
4. The guitarist sometimes plays his guitar with a violin bow.
5. You think that I'm so freaking cool that you can't help but buy anything I tell you to.

Do you need any more reasons than that? My friend told me that he was talking to a friend of his while listenign to Sigur Ros and his friend said, "I think this is what death must sound like" (he, of course, meant that as a compliment). So, in conclusion, listen to Sigur Ros and it will make you want to die. No wait...I meant to say that if you listen to Sigur Ros, it will kill you. No wait...never mind. I ordered it from Amazon and opted for the free super-saver shipping, which means that I will receive my CD sometime between this Thursday and November 2009. Now go and purchase their CDs you lemmings!

Update because you care: It shipped yesterday afternoon.