Kethuvim

Have you ever been cruising through life, thinking all the while, "I'm an okay person," when all of a sudden, something happens that causes you to stop and say, "Ok, maybe not"? I had one of those experiences yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around thinking my crap doesn't stink, I'm well aware of numerous flaws in my life and my ministry, but I certainly didn't think I was too bad.

I got a call last week from a mom (whom I've never met), wanting me to meet with her daughter (whom I've never met), because she's at her wits end and she just needed someone to talk to. I agreed to meet with the daughter, although I did tell the mom not to expect too much from the meeting. I set up the meeting for yesterday. My experience with this sort of thing is this:

- Mom needs help, has tried a couple of avenues. Calls a youth minister because she wants her kid fixed, and youth ministers generally counsel for free.
- Mom has grand illusions that one half hour with said youth minister will miraculously cure kid of various teenage demons.
- Mom drags kid in against their will, kid sits there while the youth minister dies inside because he really has no idea what to do.
- Kid leaves and mom shakes her head because kid is apparently beyond help.

This has happened on a number of occasions. I don't mind counseling, however, I generally like to counsel students who I have a relationship with through church. When they know you, they tend to open up a bit more. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to the meeting yesterday.

Anyway, the girl comes in and it turns out that we met once at the middle school where I attend lunch periodically just to spend time hanging out with the students.

Strike one.

She sits down, and I proceed to tell her that she probably has some preconceived ideas of what I'm going to say because I'm a youth minister, which she affirms with a nod of her head. I then tell her that I'm probably not what she expects, and I have no intention of preaching at her about anything, it isn't my style. She seems to relax a bit when I say this.

I asked her why she was there and she said that she kind fo wanted to talk to someone.

Strike two.

After I ask her a few more questions, she starts opening up about how her dad has been in and out of her life (more out than in it turns out), and she feels like part of her problem (I would say 90%) is that she really wants him to be a part of her life.

Strike three, I'm officially an awful person.

I won't give any more details about the meeting, but I felt pretty terrible when she left. It was like receiving a back hand across the face from God. It was like I could hear him saying, "Dude, you have a way to go in the love and compassion areas, snap out of it moron...oh yeah, and I still love you, but you suck at humility." As the girl talked to me and opened up, I didn't see a juvenile delinquent (like I expected), I saw a girl who needs a daddy. I saw a girl who really feels unloved by her dad. I saw a girl that really needed to get some stuff off her chest. I saw a girl who is truly seeking for wholeness, whether that's how she would state it or not. I left her my email address and told her to email me if she ever needs to just rant and rave and cuss or whatever. My sincere hope is that she takes me up on that offer. I want her to find the love that she seeks. I want her relationship with her dad to be healed. If God chooses me to be a part of that process, great, but at this point, he could probably find someone better.

Sorry God. Sorry to the girl also, in the event that you stumble upon this blog.